Sunday, August 15, 2010

Open letter to a clingy/overbearing client

Dear Client,

Thank you so much for your business over the past few months; however just because I provide the GirlFriend Experience doesn't mean I AM your girlfriend. I'm sure you remember that I am paid hourly. This $$$ for the time that we spend together. It does not include me sending you cute, sexy emails throughout the day or picking up the phone when you call to listen to bitch about your wife or give you advice on how to deal with whatever crisis you have going on. If you would like to continue seeing me I am going to have to raise your rate an extra $500/hr to compensate me for the time you would like to spend emailing, sexting, calling, smoke signals, etc. I'm not sure that you understand that this is just business but it is. I know you think there was a connection between us; but that's what I get paid to do....invoke a feeling you haven't felt in a while. I mean seriously on what planet would a beautiful 29 y/o who has a bangin' body fall for a 57 y/o lard ass that can only talk about how much money he makes and is a total downer?!? So since you make all that money I'm sure you won't have a problem with our new arrangement...... xox Courtesan

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

When the client is the problem....

A good ho friend of mine recently ventured outside my old agency. She became so upset at our old agent that she ventured out on her own. One of her old clients she would rather not see again has contacted her several times to which she has not contacted back. He call him fat boy Joe for obvious reasons. Yesterday, he sent an email to her that was rather crass. It stated that he always thought they had a great time together and couldn't understand why she wouldn't respond back to him. Now anyone who has seen fat boy Joe could tell you why. He is easily 500+lbs and has a foul smell about him. The first time my fellow ho saw him, he tipped her $200....hey every ho has her price. So she figured the next time she saw him she would be 1) shit faced drunk and 2) give him a shower to get rid of that smell. The next time she saw him she did exactly those things and STILL he was terrible smelling and he didn't tip.

In her email back to him, she cited the above issues and stated that honesty is the best policy to which he responded "Nothing wrong with honesty." I'm sure this hurt his feelings but really...some clients need to take better care of themselves...I mean hell they expect us to be drop dead gorgeous and smell like least they can be less than morbidly obese. Or maybe the rate system should change from by the hour to by the pound!!!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The sometimes lonely world of a call girl.....

Ever since the fall out, I've been VERY cautious of whom I come in contact with and what I say. I had the dream that girls could actually be in this business and be friends; but as I quickly found out , they will bring the claws out at the thought of a dollar. With that said, I now keep to myself. I do have a traveling partner and I know I can trust her with anything; but beyond that I trust no one. Not even my former ATF client. After all, it was he who started this mess. I told him seeing the other girl would be trouble, yet he did. After the experience panned out the way I knew it would, he got the bright idea to have dinner/drinks with him. I, again, told him this was not a good idea; yet he did again. Part of me believes that he did this with the intention of gaining more personal information about me. He knew the other provider was a gossiping ho and would gladly throw any dirt on me his way. I'm not sure what he stood to gain from the meeting. He knew the other girl was not someone he would want to be around so the latter is what I believe he sought. I'm left feeling seriously violated. I've lost a friend (and I'm not talking about the girl) and most importantly I've lost my trust in other people. I hope he thinks the dinner/drinks was worth losing what he lost.

On another note, I learned how to play poker the other day. It was quite the rush and I can see how it can be addicting. Might be going back to the poker room this weekend to test my new found knowledge!!!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Fallout in the Ho World...

I've learned a very good lesson this week....You can't always find good in people. I had a falling out with another escort I was "friends" with. I'm the sort of person that use to believe there is some good in everyone; but I am quickly finding out in this business that so-called friends will stab you in the back for a dollar.

This girl's business had slow for sometime. I know why her business is slow. L's business plan is to find a small group of exclusive clients that only see her and rotate them on a weekly/bi-weekly basis. While this plan is good in theory, reality says men are whores will see other girls. I mean, hell, half of them are already cheating on their wives and you expect them to be exclusive to you? Your pussy isn't 14k gold honey! Of course when L becomes possessive and refuses to give out references to other girls, she seals her own fate with her clients..

Enter the betrayal....

I had an ATF (all time favorite) client. He was one that I was slowly divulging information about my personal life to. I truly enjoyed hanging out with him and loved seeing the business through the eyes of a hobbyist. He made an appointment with L, which he will admit was the 2nd worst sexual experience of his life. I'm not sure what made this true; but I did warn him that I did not think seeing her was a good idea. With that said, he made an appointment with her to have drinks. During this time, L let my ATF in on some information regarding my personal life. As a provider, she has no right to do so. She then continues to invite him into her exclusive circle of clients.

MY ATF emailed me what she had said and needless to say I feel betrayed. When I confronted her, she would never admit to what she had done. She kept playing the victim (like she does in life) and attacking me. I lost my "friend" and my ATF. Both of whom I will never speak to again because of this.

Lesson Learned:

Never befriend a ho who is backed into a corner....she will fuck you up.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

When worlds collide part II…..

The client-call girl relationship is like any couple: you have your ups and downs. In ideal situations, the downs are temporary, and the ups make it all so worthwhile…. Sometimes a great client can make a mistake, and this is so much worse when the mistake comes in that all important review. A repeat client – I’ll call him A for his personality type – booked me not long after he arrived in town on business. Unfortunately the plane served alcohol and more unfortunately, he helped himself. We planned to have some dinner, as we usually do. However, this time I met him at his hotel room just down the street from the restaurant. He was smiling and friendly, no big surprise, but he draped his arm around me to maintain a slightly tipsy balance. This was not a problem. Yet.At the restaurant we were seated in a familiar section to me. The waiter was a client. I’ll call him B for his personality type. B had made it to my bad side by submitting a made up review in order to get a free membership to one of the all important provider sites. As we knowingly exchanged glances, A continued to drink. And B already knew he was in trouble with me. Awkward might not be a strong enough word to describe the situation. A insisted (and remember his personality type) that he sit on the same side of the booth as me. This is not something I like to do even when I’m with the one I love. From here, A got worse, as he attempted to finger me in the booth. I was furious. Meanwhile, I’m also pissed at B, and he was pissed at A (thus putting A farthest down on the shitlist). Finally, A had to empty his bladder, which gave B an opportunity to apologize. Lucky for him, I was so mad at A that I let him off the hook. A was wasted enough that I was able to sign the tip for him when we left. Being in a service industry like B, I more than made up for the pain that A caused him. Let me rephrase that, A more than made up for it with the tip. I basically carried A to his hotel where I refused his cash and left him to stumble and fumble his way to his room and fall asleep. But he didn’t pass out.Every client has my ho phone number, but to avoid being woken up at 2 AM, I put it on silent at night. Well the following morning, I had 27 missed calls, all of which came from the same Type A personality. He couldn’t take the rejection he brought upon himself! There was a positive result that came out of this: after I admonished him (not via my whip but via email) he posted a positive review in which he confessed his drunken stupor. Incidentally, he saw one of my best ho friends the next day and was a perfect, sober gentleman, which pisses me off a little more!

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Call girls have to eat too...

And when we go out, we’re going to talk about our days too. Bankers may talk about interest rates, realtors may talk about real estate, young parents will talk about their crying babies. We talk about sex. And when you’re in a restaurant, you have to talk loud to be heard. We get bad looks, but we get some real good looks as well. Usually from men. Just the other day, we turned around to leave and saw an older man in a wheelchair behind us. He was all alone, hooked up to an oxygen tank, but he was grinning from ear to ear, pleased by his seating arrangement and the conversation he was privy to. This may sound like a rationalization, but as I’ve said before this is the oldest profession in the world. There was a time, pre-Puritanical time, when we didn’t have the stigma we do now. And we provide an important service, sex has been proven to be healthy, and scientists have discovered that couples that have sex the night before are more productive at work. I’m literally stimulating the economy. I’m not a junkie, not crazy, not lazy. I work harder than most people, and my ho support group does to. And don’t forget the joy I can bring to an old man in a wheelchair!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The incall situation

In escorting, there are two types of appointments- Incall and Outcall. Incall refers to when the client comes to me and outcall is when I go to the client. Some girls will see clients at their house. I'm a firm believer in keeping work and personal separate. For my incall appointments, I rent a hotel room at an upscale location. Last night I had an appointment and since check out isn't until noon the next day, I left all my work stuff there. Today I show up with L and housekeeping was cleaning the room. At this point, I'm in a mad panic. L walks over to the nightstand and grabs the roll of condoms. I feel a sigh of relief. That was a close call with housekeeping. The woman walks in and changes the bedding. When she walks about she has my bottle of lube in her hand!!! I'm bright red and thinking OMG I've been found out. I can feel a massive panic attack coming on and L is trying desperately to calm me down. I try to act as if nothing happened; but dammit I just bought that bottle!!! I need to start being more careful.